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Hey Lindsey,

Thus I’ve already been heading crazy with trying to figure out if my personal one buddy really likes me personally. Thus listed here is some of the things that have happened….So whenever we first became pals she made a create a keep and stated it absolutely was all of our child and she desired to fake go out and that I swear she used to be all flirty however when we shared with her that I enjoyed the woman she was all like I really like you also and a pal and I’m puzzled because I was thinking I became correct and I was merely thinking would not you might think the same if someone did that to you personally?

-Becca

Hey Becca,

I find it better to believe folks once they tell me how they feel—best because the option is simply driving myself crazy 2nd guessing why their own words and steps you should not line up, just what has evolved, and whether or not it ended up being anything i did so. That sort of insane creating never ever will get myself anywhere. However for quite a while I managed to get swept up involved, thus I positively realize where your mind has reached.

Your own pal is not into you. She likes you as a pal. You are having difficulty thinking her as a result of the woman flirtatious behavior.

Listed here is the thing, though. The friend could have wanted to “fake time” you in an effort to see if she’d wanna really date you—and determined that she didn’t wish to date you for so many legitimate reasons, a lot of them being:

• she’s keen on your body yet not psychologically or the other way around

• the woman is bicurious although not ready to date a lady

• she’s emotions for an ex and isn’t willing to end up being with anyone immediately

• She loves interest from women—and homosexual women readily give attention to various other females despite their sexuality

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We have now written about flirty friendships prior to, and
you can read about that here
if this helps you find closure from the entire situation.

You didn’t ask me personally exactly what your buddy was thinking, however. You asked the things I will have made of the woman behavior additionally the response is: it all depends.

You’ll find surely occasions i might have believed she had been into myself, as you performed. There are times I would personally have observed through her conduct to know that she desired my affection and interest, but would not reciprocate romantically.

Discover surely times I would personally have believed she ended up being into me personally, whenever performed. There are occasions i’d have seen through the woman conduct to understand that she desired my passion and attention, but could not reciprocate romantically.

Does the buddy recognize as a lesbian, or provides she ever dated or slept with a lady? If she has been right recognized until she mentioned she desired to fake date you and have a bear infant, however’d brush-off the woman behavior as common flirty/bicurious right girl. I may have flirted and already been affectionate with her whether or not it forced me to feel great to do that, yet not anticipated it change into such a thing real.

Yes, for a lot of, feminine sex is actually liquid many of those straight-identified females perform embark on to embrace their bi or lesbian area, ultimately, sometimes aided by the females they flirt with. It would possibly happen—but it really is unusual, and it is frequently a complete waste of psychological electricity to pursue those ladies.

Yes, for a lot of, feminine sexuality is actually fluid plus some of those straight-identified ladies carry out go on to accept their own bi or lesbian part, at some point, sometimes with the ladies they flirt with. It could happen—but it is rare, and it’s typically a complete waste of mental energy to follow those ladies.

If I understood she enjoyed females and she acted like that, I would have believed I got the possibility along with her that can have expected the girl away. But she made by herself obvious. She desires a friendship only. Carry out the woman (and also you) the favor of assuming the girl, and locate an individual who is mentally available and is really a lesbian or bisexual.

If you want to pull back from the friendship for a little while, since you’ve considered there was clearly possible therefore’ve already been rebuffed, that’s great. Require some area with this pal before youare able observe their platonically again. Use that extra time to follow various other women and come up with it obvious your gal pal that you are driving for dateable females to erase any weirdness either of you may be experiencing.

Have a concern for people? email the editor:
peter@infinityrev.com